I hate the march break.

I being away from friends.

And most of all, i hate myself.

As you might of guessed I'm not feeling to well today. For the last 3 days ive been REALLY depressed..not so much yesterday, but definately friday+today. Wow today i got woken up at 12..well, actually cause of daylight savibgs time it was 1(pm). But w/e. My dad asked me if i wanted some french toast. Of course I said yes. But right away from waking up I was sad...I had this dream last night that i was with my friend sean (hes talent is singing and hes actually releasing an album soon here ) And i was singing with him for some reason, even though i suck, and in the dream i new i sucked to. However, in the dream i was actually not too bad, despite what i thought. I sang Beautiful by India Arie. The strange thing however is that i actually sang all the right words. Like the dream didnt make it differnet or anything. It was really fucked up. So i woke up and i was depressed because dreams reflect on your life. If you ever heard the song beautiful by India Arie, its actually sorta depressing in some ways..its about how this person whats to escape to a happy place and away from her pain, even though she loves a guy..she just needs a place where she can "breathe" (as it says in the song). So obviously i knew there was a reason for that, and it makes so much scence. So i did alot of thinking today about how some of my friends are mad at me, how complicated my relationship is going, and all this other stuff, and i pretty much had a huge breakdown. Around 5 i was sitting in my room listening to sings like Bohemian Rhrapsady, Wake me up when september ends, and all those kinds of songs crying in a corner of my messy room. Honestly everything right now is going every which way. Im getting lazy, my relationship is getting complicated, friend troubles, parents, and all this other stuff. I ended up saying to myself things like "well this perosn is doing this because of u." and "o u deserve to be called that because your worthless" So right now i pretty much hate myself. As u may tell i suffer from low self asteem. But it happens. But anyways so i was sitting in my room when Beautiful by India Arie started playing. Wow that took me over the edge cause of the dream..as weird as it may sound.And about an hour ago i was going to use the camera but my bros wrestling pix were on there (but they were on the computer already to) and i was going to us it but for some reaosn my parenst were telling me i couldnt use the camera because of the pictures on there..and my dad was makin g no sence cause they were on the computer and i just started yelling and wow i almost started crying i was so pissed off and because i was already so depressed all ready..holy crap i had to send them to my bro just so i could use the camera and by the end of it all my dad didnt even care. Wow i hate that he does that...

 *sigh* but tomorrow ill get one of my 3 projects done, volunteer at pinewood then call it a day. At least then ill get something done and can try and convince myself im not a worthless peice of crap..

Anyways i think im going to do some writing (poetry). Mite put them on a blog later. Bye..

- Kristal