Well today is 777, and I guess that means its supposed to be a very lucky day, because 7 is supposably a lucky number (but 7 is only a lucky number because when you are rolling 2 dice it is the most likely number pop up). To me though, its not a lucky day at all. Nothing has changed in my mood at all. I still feel like a worthless peice of shit that doenst deserve anyone, and deserves all the pain that comes my way. I did some thinking last night though, and i relaized something: for the last 2 years ive been changing my main social group constantly, and I've lost many, many people along the way. Some people ive just gradullary separated from, a couple people have made me so frustrated that ive pushed them away, and some people have gotten frustrated with me and completely pushed me away. However, when it comes to the people that ive gradually separated from, some of them hate me as much as the people that ive frustrated. I honestly don't know what ive done to all these people, but I wish I knew what it was so I can try to improve myself, because being hated this much causes alot of my pain. It also makes me afraid, because I don't know what I would do if I were to be pushed out of the group I am in now. This group makes me happier than anything when I'm with them, and to lose them would be to lose everything. But for now, I'm going to try and be the best person I can be and try not to upset people

Anyways if anyone wants to read this, heres a poem i created last night and finished this afternoon

Never Good Enough

By: Kristal St. Jean

Date: July 7, 2007.

Any comments about the poem?

-Kristal

P.S. The song If I Was Your Vampire By Marilyn Manson is how i feel..i couldnt put it in better words myself. Heres the lyrics if anyone wnats to check it out: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/marilynmanson/ifiwasyourvampire.html