I'm going to a hair salon for the first time in 2 and a half years on the 28th.

This shall be interesting.

-Kristal

Especially when I'm playing an MMO online. (zOMG from gaiaonline.com)

I'm trying to defeat these monsters and it's so laggy I get killed without even having a chance to fight back.

Fuck you, you stupid computer. You overheat with 30 minutes of surfing the internet, or just 10 minutes of playing that.

And thus this is the start of my actual "update".

I'll hopefully have a computer by Christmas. I'm getting a second job soon and that should really help speed things along. I'm most likely getting a job at a subway. I'm a shoe-in due to the fact both my brothers work at different subways, and if I get hired I'll be working at a different one than both of them. Haha. (I feel like such a mooch-I got my library job because of Mike and I'll get subway from both my brothers D

Don't get me wrong, the library is good, but even during the summer I only work 3 days a week for 10 hours a week: two days for 3 hours and one for 4. And during the school year it's one evening shift (4 hours) and one weekend morning shift (3-4 hours). So obviously in order for me to save up for a laptop by Christamas I would need to save every penny, which, trust me, wouldn't happen. So I need to get another job, and it should fit in pretty good.

Speaking about money, some events are coming up in which I'll be spending the last of my money on: the street fair, and kita kon. The street fair is first: it's in 3 days, and my library is selling books and a bunch of other shops are selling things as well. Luckily I don't have to work during the street fair, aha. I've caught the shopping bug lately and god knows I'll be buying at least a few items. I'm actually looking forward to that, however.

The second event is Kita Kon (anime convention). Right away, I have to spend 20 dollars just to be registered, and thats about 1/4 of the money I have in my bank account (blame the shopping bug, aha). However, I haven't read alot of anime, and I'm not big into buying books, so I shouldn't spend that much. (Why BUY books when I can just take them out for free at work? And even if none of the libraries in T-bay have them, I can always do inter-library loans, or just read manga off the internet for free!).

I figure since all I have is $80, I'll have a cap of $40 for the street fair, and whatever is left over will be used for Kita Kon. Whatever is left over will be added to my next expenses.

(Random note: Isnt it ironic that I started out this blog talking about SAVING money and in the last few paragraphs I just talked about how I'm going to spend my last $80? I'm a confusing person, but hopefully below should explain it a little)

I'll have my next paycheck just before school starts (september 1) and I'm thinking about getting my hair done professionally. This is kinda a big deal to me since I haven't gone to a salon since the 9th grade (going into grade 12 now) but mainly because of my trichotillomania. My bald spots are worse since I've posted the last pic, But I'm thinking I would stop pulling so much if I liked my hair a little more. I used to have black hair, but I bleached it in april, so my hair from the crown. goes:

 roots (dark)

-blonde

-light brown

-medium brown

and in some spots its still black.

It looks very nice when I first did it, but now it looks gross. I absolutely hate almost everything about my hair (its thin, bald spots, limp...) and this shitty colour isn't helping. I'm hoping to get it back to my natural colour, but I'm NOT  getting it cut. I'm going to make that clear to whoever does my hair, since it's taken me a year and a half to grow less than a foot.

I'm just hoping the hairdresser is very good (had a friend who got a very bad colour treatment last year) and understanding.

Anyways I've bored the crap out of anyone who has read this far, so I'm going to leave it at that for now. Byes for now.

-Kristal St. Jean

And I said some pretty nasty shit about people, and I really regret that. Most of this stuff was written when I was 14, but that's still no excuse.

I think I'm going to go through and delete a whole bunch of blogs, because I really don't feel that way about those people (friends, family, etc).

I know if it was me I'd still be offended.

-Kristal

I have trichotillomania.

It started with eyebrow-hair pulling in grade 10, and now its lead to this in only a year. I'm not looking for pity, I'm just trying to raise awareness in a way, and to make it more "real" for myself.

-Kristal

The break up went pretty smooth thankfully.

This shall be interesting.

-Kristal

Yesterday was Canada Day: happy belated Canada Day

I went to the marina and hung out with my friends from 3pm to 1am, basically. I spent $40 all on food and bus fare. What a waste of money(I didn't spend all of it on myself, haha). Yesterday was the beginning of summer for me, because before this for the past week I've been reading, watching movies, and using the computer. Oh, and going to work.

In other news I now have physiotherapy for my knee. The doctors belive I have Patellofemoral Syndrome which is when the knee cap moves in weird ways due to inflamation under the knee cap or something. A factor of that might be caused by the way I walk: due to my pigion-toed-ness I walk with my feet cuved in and on my toes as opposed to heel-toe. this might cause extra stress on my knee. At least that's what my physiotherapist says.

Today was supposed to be my first "real" appointment (last week was just an assesment), but they cancelled, so my first appointment now is 10:20 tomorrow morning.

Oh ya. I failed grade 12 Chemistry. That's hat happenes when you stop giving a crap about school and don't do anything. *Sigh*, I really do wish I cared though. I hate being stressed. Next year I guess I'll do better, hopefully. Instead of re-taking Chemistry though I'll take anthropology, since it seems more interesting. Humm...

All for now.

-Kristal

Growing up as a kid I've never been close to my mom's side of the family. By that I mean I rarely seen them. But now as I'm older I realize that even though I see my Dad's side of the family a few times a year, I realize I know little about them as well.

On Father's day, my parents and I (my brothers were working, I beleive) went to see my grandpa (dad's dad) and we stayed there longer than usual because we were talking about a recent event that went on my Mom's side of the family with him and my Aunty Lena and Uncle Paul who were there. I'm not going to say what the even was, because it's highly personal and I've been basically forbidden to talk about it to anyone other than the family.

But anyways, after they left we chatted for a while, and I found out my grandpa had been in the air force during WW2 in England! Growing up I got a lot of mixed signals and I thought I was told he was a chef in WW2, or a shopkeeper. But now I know the truth that he loaded planes for people-some people he knew flew bombs over Berlin. Thank god he never had to fly planes or do any bombing. Even now over 60 years later, he is absolutely against going into planes because of that.

After hearing this I was absoluetly astonished. I'm big into research WW1 and 2, and after watching movies such as "Flyboys" (a WW1 movie, but still) I never dreamed of someone I knew stocking planes like that. I got to say my grandpa is becomming an inspiration to me. I just wish I would have know this information even a year ago. He'll be 92 in August and although in pretty good health for his age....well, you know the rest...

However, he is not the only person I've gained a new appreciation for. MY aunty Cathy, who is in her early 60's, has been a part of different quires for a long time, and it turned out that one time (I'm not sure when, I'm going to have to ask her) she sang for the Queen of England with her quire! It just amazes me how little I know about the people I've grown around. I really want to learn more about them. They've accomplished so much and are still living to do even more great things for their family. I can only hope I can do a lasting favour for them.

-Kristal  

"Over a year without drugs and you made me turn back to them"

Ya right.

I don't care what 1 million pot smokers think. Marijuana is a drug!!!!!!

It makes you more susceptible to heart attacks, makes you loose coordination and have trouble with learning, can obstruct your airways etc etc. And He's been doing enough of it over the years for this shit to take place.

Ya, sure, you haven’t done cocaine and shit for over a year, but you shouldn't blame a bad relationship on YOU going out and buying illegal crap that’s going to put you even more into dept and depression. You started doing that shit in the first place because the only thing you ever want to do is look cool in front of your friends. Well guess what: YOU DON'T!!!!

A 19-year-old drug addict failing college and thousands of dollars in dept that hangs out with other stoners isn't something to impress people with. You are ruining your fucking life and many others around you. Within a couple years you’re probably going to drop out of college, and live in a crack house. Or dead. Unless SOMEBODY manages to throw an intervention. Pfft. As if you'll ever stop.

You had no reason to turn to drugs in the first place anyways. You're well put off in a nice home in a middle class family. Parents don't beat you; you have plenty of food and clean water, the privilege to go to school, etc etc. Underneath your "I don't give a fuck" and "lets always act pissed off" attitude you’re really just a crybaby with no real friends that does dumb shit to try and get attention. In fact, at family gatherings you try to impress your 17 and 14 year old cousins by telling them stories about doing cocaine and drinking compulsively. You think that’s cool? You think that’s GOOD!? YOU’RE GOING TO DIE A FUCKING YOUNG AGE!!!!!! Blame any shit you want. YOU'RE the one who decided to do that shit. Not a bad mark on a report card (you did that as well), not a bad relationship (you’re the one who kept crying back to her). You. Solely you. You're the one who went out and said "Humm…I would like one brick of cocaine please" then snorted it at a party in front of me. Not me. You want the bad relationships and bad marks and dept to stop depressing you? Change them. Don't act like you had such a terrible life that you need to cover up with pot. IF you DID have a terrible life, that’s your fucking fault, because you’ve had all the resources to have a great life. Everybody has hardships. You’re just being a pussy. And trust me, I don't say that about just anyone.

AND if you didn't want attention, you wouldn't have posted on the Internet that your back into drugs.

To those who know whom I'm talking about, I would be extremely grateful if you did not mention this blog to the person I am talking about. Of course posting personal shit over the Internet isn't a smart way to conceal thoughts about someone, but I can't speak like this in real life because I never get out the full story, I get interrupted, or I lose my train of thought. Of course I could write it down, but I chose here and I know the consequences of my actions. People could say I'M looking for attention. People could disagree with pot being a drug. People can be depressed over something similar that happened in their life. I'm ready for these comments. Really, all I'm looking to do is pour out my thoughts and look for conformation over my predictions of what may happen to this person, so I know that this really is as serious as I think it is.  

-Kristal     

So it turns out the crackling noise my knee makes when I bend it is caused my inflamation under the kneecap. Perhaps I shouldn't of said I might need surgery on it a few weeks ago. That was overspeculating. But you know what, if it didn't worry me, I wouldn't of got it checked out.

I'm getting this sleeve cusion thingy to support my knee soon. It shouldn't cost much. Hopefully my knee will stop crackling before it actually does cause me pain.

I'm also weening off the anti-depressents I've been taking for a year and half now. I'm sick of how I feel like I'm going to faint everything I sit up/stand up after laying down for a bit.

Tonight was the last dance of the year at Westgate, and the 1st one for the semester for me. I went with Mikko, Nigel and Chris. The theme was "around the world" and they did makeup like a Norwegean heavy metal band. I wish I did that, but oh well. I had my hair wavy and wore a black and white tank top, jeans and a pair of heals from payless. I now know why I don't wear heals often: the only pair of heals I own are shit!!! I now have blisters and my feet ache. I guess thats what I get for walking around in 3 year old shoes that only cost $25.

Anyways though, we only stayed at the dance for a little over an hour because it was extremely boring. Afterwards we went out and got pizza and icecream and such. After THAT we hung out and Mikko and Nigel played frizeebee while Chris and I chatted. I got to say, the time after the dance was much more fun than before. We laughed, talked about life, and really just became better friends since we don't hang out like that often. I can only hope there are many more times like that to come.

Anyways I'm exhauted and ready to go to bed. I'll see you all later

-Kristal

My dad worked on Sunday night, so we ordered in Chinese food for mother's day on saturday (this was at about 9pm). When I got up pn Sunday, I felt sick all day. I took a nap from 4-6, then afterwards I threw up. I then spent the next several hours in my room feeling dizzy and trying to eat things that won't make me hurl. I didn't get alot of sleep that night, but I got out of bed at 6am this morning and threw up again in the bathroom. This is probably unneccessary for me to mention, but my puke was grey. Grey.

I then went back to sleep and got 4 hours of rest. I woke up at 10 and I've been watching tv and trying to eat soup and crackers and such so I can stay "un-dizzy" and can go to school tomorrow.

In the past 18 hours or so, this is the longest period of time I've actually sat up for, and It's only been about 10 minutes.

Being sick sucks. I don't know if this is food poisioning though, cause no one else is sick. Hummm...

-Kristal  

So I went to the doctor today, and he says by knee problem is very common, and a factor of it might be the fact that I don't walk with my feet perfectly flat (they are turned in a bit). I mentioned being pigion-toed but didn't go into detail, which I probably should have. My legs are turned in and such and when I was younger one of my previous doctors suggested breaking my legs and putting pins in them so they will heal into the correct position. Or something like that. Tomorrow before school I'm going to a clinic to get an x-ray. My doctor says I probably won't need an operation, but we gotta see what the x-ray says. I go back to my doctor in 2 weeks and then I guess we figure out what's going on from there.

I'll keep ya'll informed.

-Kristal

...on my knee. According to my brother Rob the horrible cracking sound that my knee makes everytime I bend it to a certain degree might be caused either by cracking cartilage or bone-on-bone rubbing. Although he's not a doctor, he knows a bit about different injuries because of being in wrestling for many years, so I belive he might be right. If you feel my knee as I bend it there's things moving that probably shoudn't be. Luckily I have to go to the doctor's anyways tomorrow for my 3-month check up. I'll get him to check it out, and hopefully I can get it fixed. It usually doesn't hurt, but after bending it repetitavely it will hurt a bit. Still, pain or not pain, it's probably not good.

I'll update tomorrow.

-Kristal

look up "The Girls" by Lori Lansens. I just finished it a couple minutes ago and I really enjoyed reading it. I couldn't tear myself away from it today. I read the last 200 pages this afternoon (The book is about 450 pages long).

Here's a book review I copied & pasted off my library's website, which in turn took it out from Publishers Weekly. 

Conjoined twins Rose and Ruby Darlen are linked at the side of the head, with separate brains and bodies. Born in a small town outside Toronto in the midst of a tornado and abandoned by their unwed teenage mother two weeks later, the girls are cared for by Aunt Lovey, a nurse who refuses to see them as deformed or even disabled. She raises them in Leaford, Ontario, where, at age 29, Rose, the more verbal and bookish twin, begins writing their story-i.e., this novel, which begins, "I have never looked into my sister's eyes." Showing both linguistic skill and a gift for observation, Lansens's Rose evokes country life, including descriptions of corn and crows, and their neighbors Mrs. Merkel, who lost her only son in the tornado, and Frankie Foyle, who takes the twins' virginity. Rose shares her darkest memory (public humiliation during a visit to their Slovakian-born Uncle Stash's hometown) and her deepest regret, while Ruby, the prettier, more practical twin, who writes at her sister's insistence, offers critical details, such as what prompted Rose to write their life story. Through their alternating narratives, Lansens captures a contradictory longing for independence and togetherness that transcends the book's enormous conceit. (May 2) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

Let me remind you (like how I had to remind myself when I first started to read this book) that this is a work of fiction, and Rose and Ruby do not exsist. However, going by reseach and knowlege about conjoined twins, the facts about the condition and true. It may sound sciency and dry, but it's really not. Its very interesting.

-Kristal